girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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