the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
