How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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