This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
