I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
