youre lurking in front of me
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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