remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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