so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
