All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
