They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
