I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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