ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
