The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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