When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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