I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
