pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
