I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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