Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
