I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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