Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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