I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
