i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
