nut hugger
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
