Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
