Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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