So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
