why didn't you poke me back
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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