so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
