OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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