worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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