He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
