Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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