batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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