i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
