bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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