can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
