I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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