She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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