So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
