i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize