Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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