Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Be still, my beating vagina.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
