My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
