Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
