Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just found puke in my bra..
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
