I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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