I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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