after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
