Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
my poor anus
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
