so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
