i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
