One girl and one boy is just not enough.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
