She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
