quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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