he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
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I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
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Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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