I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize