You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
