So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
