I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
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I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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