it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
