Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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