I want to have your abortion
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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