I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
