All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
