If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
