That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
