do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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