I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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