Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
