I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
me + whiskey = a bad person
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
